Again, more effort has been put into advertising for "Butterfly", a sci-fi webseries that I'm currently working with. As with every other production I've done, I've taken on the task of advertising it. So, I did what any normal person would do. I called EVERY RADIO STATION IN THE CITY! Even though I'm currently waiting for a few to respond, I have had two so far that have booked us for interviews! Here they are :)
The Moose FM (106.3): August 17th @ 1030am
Fox FM (102.0): August 25th @ 915am
So if you're in the North Bay area, PLEASE LISTEN! It should be epic!
We're planning to have Matti (director/writer/star), Blake (lead actor) and myself (lead actor) at these interviews if possible, so not only will you be hearing about it, you'll be hearing us talk about our characters, our personal feelings about the show and so much more! So please, tune in!
___________________________________
Please remember to check out www.findthebutterfly.com! Episode 1 is already up, and so is the trailer. Episode 2 is slated to launch on August 18th!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
"Butterfly" Advertising!
Well. Today I woke up to an amazing surprise. But here's the backstory!
I'm currently on Twitter (yes...I said it was stupid, then got into it). Last night, I posted on Twitter that the trailer for "Butterfly" was up and running on the website. One of my followers, who happens to be a Radio DJ for my home town, went and saw it, loved it then emailed me. He told me that he wanted me to write him a big long speel about the whole thing because he wants to talk about it on the radio tomorrow morning.
How do I put this mildly . . . I PISSED MY FREAKING PANTS!
I didn't ask him to do it for me, but I'm so happy he wanted to! Now I get to wake up tomorrow and record it on the computer so everyone else can hear it :D YAY!
SO EXCITED!!!
If you're interested in listening, please go to CJKL (www.cjklfm.com) and there should be a button right on the main page saying "Listen Online". You will need WINAMP to listen to it...but it offers a download :D 730AM PEOPLE!!
I'm currently on Twitter (yes...I said it was stupid, then got into it). Last night, I posted on Twitter that the trailer for "Butterfly" was up and running on the website. One of my followers, who happens to be a Radio DJ for my home town, went and saw it, loved it then emailed me. He told me that he wanted me to write him a big long speel about the whole thing because he wants to talk about it on the radio tomorrow morning.
How do I put this mildly . . . I PISSED MY FREAKING PANTS!
I didn't ask him to do it for me, but I'm so happy he wanted to! Now I get to wake up tomorrow and record it on the computer so everyone else can hear it :D YAY!
SO EXCITED!!!
If you're interested in listening, please go to CJKL (www.cjklfm.com) and there should be a button right on the main page saying "Listen Online". You will need WINAMP to listen to it...but it offers a download :D 730AM PEOPLE!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
"Butterfly" Debut!
Well ladies and gents, this is it! In a few short days, my first attempt at film is being debuted on a special website. Even though I'm not in until episode 4, I still urge you greately to watch the whole thing. Not only is it worth the watch because it's interesting, and will leave you thinking, but it's done without a budget and without any of us knowing what the hell we're doing! So, take a watch. I believe the date is August 11th, but that is subject to change as SOMEONE messed up the date lol. But I shall keep you "posted". Haha. Get it? "Posted"? I'm creating a post? LOL Never mind... LOL
Check it out! www.findthebutterfly.com
Check it out! www.findthebutterfly.com
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Inside the Actors Studio (And by studio, I mean my head)
So, I thought I’d continue with my writing spree...even though it’s been a while since I’ve written something of this nature. I think I’ve had some “writer’s block”. Although, now I have something meaningful to write about. So kids, today’s lesson is all about my story of how I got started in theatre and the insecurities that go along with that, because I have a lot of bottled up feelings that I need to get out in some form and this happens to be the SAFEST route.
Let’s start off by saying, yes, as other people, I have many insecurities in life. Mostly, they stream from one place. My head. I tend to over-think situations, which makes me think of all the possible ways someone could be lying to me (yes, paranoia). This is where you all start to realize “Hey! She’s really fucked up!” Yup. Welcome to my world.
So let us go back to the start. Back to the good ol’ days of 1994 when my parents got the grand idea to bring me to my first Broadway show, Beauty and the Beast. Well, I can tell you that THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THEY COULD MAKE! Not only do I still remember it, but it also instilled the crazy idea into my head that I should also go into acting! Although back then it wasn’t much more than a dream.
Between then and 2002, I remember going to some Kabaret’s and thinking “I’d love to be up there!” So that’s what I did. In 2002 I auditioned for my first live theatre show and go t in (to my utter amazement). So of course I felt proud of myself because I honestly didn’t think I’d make it, and back then it was a big deal. So we did the show, and it was great.
Now what you have to understand is that, some people in this business are not nice at all. They believe they are the best thing out there, especially when people tell them that they are. I met this one girl in Kabaret, who was very nice to me. She gave me loads of advice, treated me fairly, only to turn around and stab me in the back the next year. But I’ll explain later as there is one more part to this story that happens first.
As soon as I reached high school (which was the year after the show was over), I immediately joined the drama club. This was awesome for me because not only were we doing multiple plays, but I had got into most of them and became extremely involved with this club. They had a web forum that they used with their friends who were in and outside of the club so I thought I’d join, thinking I was part of the group. Well, to my surprise, I apparently wasn’t. The girl who I thought was my friend from my first Kabaret was apparently a back stabbing bitch who had nothing but bad things to say about me. She said that I had an ego, I was a bitch, and in the dressing rooms I was staring at all the girls who were getting dressed. In my own defence, I didn’t have an ego because I’d never done that before...therefore, how could I have an “ego”. I was shy, so yes I do come off as a bitch because I don’t talk to people. But the kicker was the fact that she called me a lesbian on the high school forums. First off, no, I didn’t stare. When someone’s boobs are SHOVED IN YOUR FACE, it’s kind of hard not to look. And it’s very hard to find a place in those 10’/10’ dressing rooms where there isn’t a changing girl, especially when there’s 25 of us sharing the same room. So yes, I was uncomfortable, but I got over it. Apparently she didn’t. So that haunted me personally, but nobody else really took notice.
Later on in my high school years, I detached myself from the executive panel of the drama club because it was all popularity and politics. I just wanted to be a part of something good. But I continued on going to the drama festival with their plays, and landing the roles that I wanted.
This is where things start to get a little whacky. People have told me in the past that I’m amazing at acting, and that I have an alright voice, and people have also told me that I have no talent at all. Mind you, I took everything with a grain of salt and kept walking with my head held high. But here’s the problem. It’s high school. The plays that are brought to competition level are petty one act plays that are run by politics and popularity, and sometimes never even see the light of day because someone gets suspended or the drop out. But I was very attached to this festival. It was the air I breathed for 6 years. The reason it was 6 years was because I wasn’t ready for college in 2007 when I should have graduated. So I went back for a 5th year, and then for a 6th. During my 6th year I did battle, what I call but what hasn’t been formally diagnosed, as depression. I lost interest in all activities except for Kabaret, which I was still going strong in. I left high school in 2009 with nothing to show for it but more experience in the Sears Drama Festival.
Like I said, I remained with Kabaret as an actor until 2007. In 2007 I had the role of Stage Manager thrown on my lap since our last “stage manager” was a douche and didn’t do his job. So I rolled with it, got us through the show, and was told at the end of it that I didn’t do what the show needed. I heard that EVERY YEAR after until I finally moved away for college in 2010. Now, keep in mind that every year when I heard that I wasn’t doing what the show needed, I asked someone to explain to me what the show needed and nobody would, so I did it my way with a prompt book, a full crew and the whole shebang. I’m a very professional stage manager. All the people who were backstage told me that I was amazing at my job and that they couldn’t have survived the show if they didn’t have me. Where as, the people who weren’t backstage told me that I don’t do my job right. On top of my duties as stage manager (which is a big enough job in itself), I also took over props, some of the set, the mics, some makeup, and some costumes. Throughout my years with this show, I dabbled in everything except lights, and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I picked up peoples jobs when they slacked off, and apparently nobody saw that but some people. But that’s beyond the point. Although, I do have to hand it to Mandy, because she believed in me when a lot of the people didn’t.
Now here I sit. I live in North Bay, awaiting theatre school. I’m involved with two productions, one a stage production called “Writer’s Block”, the other a web-series called “Butterfly”. But also, here I sit over-thinking past situations that have happened to leave me to where I am today and analyzing why I have the insecurities that I have.
Of course everyone has insecurities, but mine are slightly more prevalent now because I’m pursuing something that I don’t know if I’m really good in. For the past 10 years, I’ve been getting people telling me that I’m amazing and some people who have told me that I’m untalented. So here’s to thinking, who was lying? My family always tells me that I’m great so I can’t count their opinions because their biased. My friends are the same. So who’s left? Who is telling me the god awful truth?
One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is this. Did I get into this theatre program because I was talented, or because they would take anyone at this point in time? There’s only 15 people in my program next year, while there was 20 people in the 2009-2010 first year class. So, was it talent, or just numbers?
In high school, I always got the part that was “me”. I never really had to do much thinking about parts because I was always the bitch, or the sarcastic one. I’ve never gotten a part that was outside of my comfort zone. Most of the parts that I had were two dimensional. There was nothing to them, no back-story, no motivation. So now that I’m here, I’m thinking, do I really have what it takes to become a 3-D actor.
I have a very strong personality, which makes getting into character fully EXTREMELY hard. I have a hard time letting go of myself in the character. I don’t know if it’s because I’m insecure with it, or because I’m just very strong headed. But because I can’t get out of my head, I definitely don’t reach the potential that I know I can reach in this field. Which also worries me, as this is a learnt skill, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to learn it.
Like all people, I honestly don’t think I’m good enough. I’ve seen the people around me and compared myself to them. I feel inferior to them because I do see great talent in them.
I don’t want to embarrass myself. This goes hand in hand with the other insecurities I’ve had because if any of these other insecurities are ring true, then I’ve embarrassed myself to a high level, not only by thinking that I was good enough, but by running out there and proving that I wasn’t.
I also take into high consideration what others think of me. I know it’s bad, but I do.
On that same note, I care what I think of myself. When I make a mistake, I tend to beat myself up because my conscience is so strong. So if I feel like I didn’t perform to the highest level I can possibly achieve, I feel as if I failed and then I beat myself up. But then I start wondering if anyone else realized that...it’s an ugly circle.
And just like everyone else out there, I’m afraid of failing.
So I just want to know, truthfully, that I’m really going to add up to what people expect of me, and that I get my roles based on talent and talent alone. I’m sick and tired of all these insecurities, and I’m sick and tired of people always brushing them off, telling me to “just believe in (myself)”. That’s very hard when you have walls. I need these walls broken down soon...or I’m going to start hitting them full force.
If you’re still reading, you’re a trooper. Thanks for listening.
Let’s start off by saying, yes, as other people, I have many insecurities in life. Mostly, they stream from one place. My head. I tend to over-think situations, which makes me think of all the possible ways someone could be lying to me (yes, paranoia). This is where you all start to realize “Hey! She’s really fucked up!” Yup. Welcome to my world.
So let us go back to the start. Back to the good ol’ days of 1994 when my parents got the grand idea to bring me to my first Broadway show, Beauty and the Beast. Well, I can tell you that THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THEY COULD MAKE! Not only do I still remember it, but it also instilled the crazy idea into my head that I should also go into acting! Although back then it wasn’t much more than a dream.
Between then and 2002, I remember going to some Kabaret’s and thinking “I’d love to be up there!” So that’s what I did. In 2002 I auditioned for my first live theatre show and go t in (to my utter amazement). So of course I felt proud of myself because I honestly didn’t think I’d make it, and back then it was a big deal. So we did the show, and it was great.
Now what you have to understand is that, some people in this business are not nice at all. They believe they are the best thing out there, especially when people tell them that they are. I met this one girl in Kabaret, who was very nice to me. She gave me loads of advice, treated me fairly, only to turn around and stab me in the back the next year. But I’ll explain later as there is one more part to this story that happens first.
As soon as I reached high school (which was the year after the show was over), I immediately joined the drama club. This was awesome for me because not only were we doing multiple plays, but I had got into most of them and became extremely involved with this club. They had a web forum that they used with their friends who were in and outside of the club so I thought I’d join, thinking I was part of the group. Well, to my surprise, I apparently wasn’t. The girl who I thought was my friend from my first Kabaret was apparently a back stabbing bitch who had nothing but bad things to say about me. She said that I had an ego, I was a bitch, and in the dressing rooms I was staring at all the girls who were getting dressed. In my own defence, I didn’t have an ego because I’d never done that before...therefore, how could I have an “ego”. I was shy, so yes I do come off as a bitch because I don’t talk to people. But the kicker was the fact that she called me a lesbian on the high school forums. First off, no, I didn’t stare. When someone’s boobs are SHOVED IN YOUR FACE, it’s kind of hard not to look. And it’s very hard to find a place in those 10’/10’ dressing rooms where there isn’t a changing girl, especially when there’s 25 of us sharing the same room. So yes, I was uncomfortable, but I got over it. Apparently she didn’t. So that haunted me personally, but nobody else really took notice.
Later on in my high school years, I detached myself from the executive panel of the drama club because it was all popularity and politics. I just wanted to be a part of something good. But I continued on going to the drama festival with their plays, and landing the roles that I wanted.
This is where things start to get a little whacky. People have told me in the past that I’m amazing at acting, and that I have an alright voice, and people have also told me that I have no talent at all. Mind you, I took everything with a grain of salt and kept walking with my head held high. But here’s the problem. It’s high school. The plays that are brought to competition level are petty one act plays that are run by politics and popularity, and sometimes never even see the light of day because someone gets suspended or the drop out. But I was very attached to this festival. It was the air I breathed for 6 years. The reason it was 6 years was because I wasn’t ready for college in 2007 when I should have graduated. So I went back for a 5th year, and then for a 6th. During my 6th year I did battle, what I call but what hasn’t been formally diagnosed, as depression. I lost interest in all activities except for Kabaret, which I was still going strong in. I left high school in 2009 with nothing to show for it but more experience in the Sears Drama Festival.
Like I said, I remained with Kabaret as an actor until 2007. In 2007 I had the role of Stage Manager thrown on my lap since our last “stage manager” was a douche and didn’t do his job. So I rolled with it, got us through the show, and was told at the end of it that I didn’t do what the show needed. I heard that EVERY YEAR after until I finally moved away for college in 2010. Now, keep in mind that every year when I heard that I wasn’t doing what the show needed, I asked someone to explain to me what the show needed and nobody would, so I did it my way with a prompt book, a full crew and the whole shebang. I’m a very professional stage manager. All the people who were backstage told me that I was amazing at my job and that they couldn’t have survived the show if they didn’t have me. Where as, the people who weren’t backstage told me that I don’t do my job right. On top of my duties as stage manager (which is a big enough job in itself), I also took over props, some of the set, the mics, some makeup, and some costumes. Throughout my years with this show, I dabbled in everything except lights, and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I picked up peoples jobs when they slacked off, and apparently nobody saw that but some people. But that’s beyond the point. Although, I do have to hand it to Mandy, because she believed in me when a lot of the people didn’t.
Now here I sit. I live in North Bay, awaiting theatre school. I’m involved with two productions, one a stage production called “Writer’s Block”, the other a web-series called “Butterfly”. But also, here I sit over-thinking past situations that have happened to leave me to where I am today and analyzing why I have the insecurities that I have.
Of course everyone has insecurities, but mine are slightly more prevalent now because I’m pursuing something that I don’t know if I’m really good in. For the past 10 years, I’ve been getting people telling me that I’m amazing and some people who have told me that I’m untalented. So here’s to thinking, who was lying? My family always tells me that I’m great so I can’t count their opinions because their biased. My friends are the same. So who’s left? Who is telling me the god awful truth?
One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is this. Did I get into this theatre program because I was talented, or because they would take anyone at this point in time? There’s only 15 people in my program next year, while there was 20 people in the 2009-2010 first year class. So, was it talent, or just numbers?
In high school, I always got the part that was “me”. I never really had to do much thinking about parts because I was always the bitch, or the sarcastic one. I’ve never gotten a part that was outside of my comfort zone. Most of the parts that I had were two dimensional. There was nothing to them, no back-story, no motivation. So now that I’m here, I’m thinking, do I really have what it takes to become a 3-D actor.
I have a very strong personality, which makes getting into character fully EXTREMELY hard. I have a hard time letting go of myself in the character. I don’t know if it’s because I’m insecure with it, or because I’m just very strong headed. But because I can’t get out of my head, I definitely don’t reach the potential that I know I can reach in this field. Which also worries me, as this is a learnt skill, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to learn it.
Like all people, I honestly don’t think I’m good enough. I’ve seen the people around me and compared myself to them. I feel inferior to them because I do see great talent in them.
I don’t want to embarrass myself. This goes hand in hand with the other insecurities I’ve had because if any of these other insecurities are ring true, then I’ve embarrassed myself to a high level, not only by thinking that I was good enough, but by running out there and proving that I wasn’t.
I also take into high consideration what others think of me. I know it’s bad, but I do.
On that same note, I care what I think of myself. When I make a mistake, I tend to beat myself up because my conscience is so strong. So if I feel like I didn’t perform to the highest level I can possibly achieve, I feel as if I failed and then I beat myself up. But then I start wondering if anyone else realized that...it’s an ugly circle.
And just like everyone else out there, I’m afraid of failing.
So I just want to know, truthfully, that I’m really going to add up to what people expect of me, and that I get my roles based on talent and talent alone. I’m sick and tired of all these insecurities, and I’m sick and tired of people always brushing them off, telling me to “just believe in (myself)”. That’s very hard when you have walls. I need these walls broken down soon...or I’m going to start hitting them full force.
If you’re still reading, you’re a trooper. Thanks for listening.
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